2/25/01 12:52:34 AM

after watching last night, a film about the end of the world this evening i thought about the my version of the end of the world and where i'd want to be and what i'd want to do and with whom i'd want to spend it and where they, in turn, would want to be and do and with whom and wondered if any of those who i'd want to spend the final hours of life would want to spend them with me and perhaps i'd want to sit and smoke and talk on the phone with my mom and cory and daria as i coninued on the programming and (not yet available) redesign i started today and wondered as i was watching why i wasn't where i *really* wanted to be as i've spent all week remembering last weekend and fantasizing about what life could be and opening perceptions and seeing signs (and deja vu) but sort of realizing that i and people in general sometimes don't do whats in their heads and hearts because the world would be a scary and chaotic place, however that's no excuse and as i wait for a reply from daria asking for a bit of reality and a bit of advice as well as continuing to wait for life to be what i'm trying to make it and for school to start in september of 2002 which is sometimes the only thing i think i'm staying out here for; just like when i was sixteen and couldn't wait to grow up and get over the atlantic to england and that one week in july of 1997 when everything went wrong as well as the 9 months of darkness that followed, i needed this, all of it, this now, this feeling, this way; i've always said "thank you", but never knew how much i meant it (because the world thank god isn't ending tonight) until now.

link: all your base are belong to us! also, one might like to sign up for the groovysites mailing list.

on the deck: 2 tracks, nonstop: (don't tell anybody, but) colplay's yellow and seal's crazy.

reading: the excellent the elegant universe by brian greene, and wallpaper. here's what i wish i was reading.